In a little over a week, my best friend Charlene will be visiting us for a few days from Florida, actually for my birthday. Haven't seen her for a while and have missed her so much. By profession, Chacha is a personal trainer, nutritionist and all around health fanatic. Boy do we need her right now! I have been thinking about how to explain the state of physical disarray that I've gotten myself into these past few months. The lack of conditioning, the lack of toning, the lack of eating a balanced nutritional meal 3 times a day. This is not going to be easy. And, being the truthful person I am, I have to come up with a reasonable "excuse" to present along with my case. Whatever I say, she will be able to see right through it.
So I began by thinking about how I really and truly feel, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. That is a huge inventory to have to take and right now...honestly,I just don't feel like it. I would rather say that all is well, I feel great, things are very positive and all is right with the world, or at least my world. And there would be a thread of truth to that, if it was expressed in just those words. However, that perspective is from about 30,000 feet out. When I get up close and look at the minute details, yikes. The truth isn't going to be pretty. It sort of feels like a stuffed animal looks after Maxx gets done with it, all ragged and ripped with stuff falling out. When he attacks a little critter, stuffed to the seams with cotton, he does it without regret and with anticipation of killing it. So much for the cuteness factor of that poor stuffed animal. Pretty soon, it's hardly recognizable and there is a trail of destruction across the room.
While I might not feel quite that bad, there is plenty of room for improvement. At my age, the window of opportunity for once again getting back into shape, could slam shut at any moment. That is a scary thought. So many things could start to go wrong and I'm just not ready or willing to head down that path. I might feel like life is attacking me right now, but that is about to change.
Truthfully, this past year has been one of immense stress and strain on my physical well being. You can be mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy...but if stress is on a slow rise and attacking daily, physically we can be breaking down without even realizing it. Sure, we can walk through disappointments, regrets, disbelief and heartache (and all have been present over this past year) but on the other side there is a bit more wear and tear than I'd like. But healing begins when the realization of what has been happening manifests itself.
It was in October when we were told that we would no longer have a job by the end of the year. We were told not to come to work through the month of November and that December 2nd would be our last official day. (too many details for now, but trust me, it was gutwrenching.) Now imagine for a moment that you are clutching something very tightly in your hand, so tight that your knuckles hurt and your palms ache from your nails digging in. Now imagine what it would feel like to open your hand and release the object you've been holding. Your hand relaxes, blood can flow through to the ends of your fingers, there's a tingling sensation, and the discomfort is gone. You suddenly realize the pain you were in and wondered how in the world did you ever have the strength to hold on so tightly. The next question is why? However that gets answered, the reality is that healing can begin. The body relaxes and all things begin to lay in proper perspective.
Now that we have been in that healing phase for a time, we realize that our bodies need a little repair. That's where Chacha comes in. Not that we expect her to work miracles, but having a fresh perspective will be just the motivator we need to get back on track. And believe me, she really is that g-o-o-d!
Yes, life has been attacking us, and still is. But as we decide to stand up and work hard at the healing process, we will be the ones to attack life with a vengence. God promises us new mercies every day and His grace is sufficient. So, how am I going to explain things to Chacha? Well, by the time she gets here, she will hopefully have read this blog. That will be a start. Then the truth will be told, even that will be healing. I'm not looking forward to getting started, because that is always, always painful. What I can't wait for - is to be able to attack life and live it like I mean it. Oh, the picture at the top - was me and Chacha after a long bike ride 3 years ago....it was so much fun and I remember well how we attacked that bike trail. Move over snow-mobiles...the bikes are coming out real soon!